Marriages are made in heaven but so is thunder. Blog marathon post-12

Marriages are made in heaven but so is thunder and lightening. 

- Clint Eastwood

Marriage is an institution I believe in and it requires a lot of efforts. I am no preacher here. Even I am discovering and rediscovering the beauty of it with my partner. Every experience together is sometimes a learning, sometimes overwhelming.

Here are some of the things I feel are the basis of a healthy marriage by my own little experience.

Communicate. It’s simple and effective. Please don’t waste time in guessing business, ‘You should know how I feel’. This is a very common notion. Some days partners can understand it’s instinctive or intuitive, but when they don’t then communicate.

I am feeling low because of…

This complicated situation in family is freaking me out….

Discuss all of it. Don’t hold back. Even when it’s about each other, then also without being mean or rude, things can be communicated. If you are too agitated, let it pass by, take your own time to be normal. Then discuss, as it will help not to use harsh words and hurt each other more. You can even email or write a letter as well. It helps. 

The power of touch. It’s very important. As a new born also we understand the touch of our mother, we feel happy to be in her lap. The feeling of togetherness is what binds a couple. Hugs are like magic wands. Always be in constant touch.

Never let the feeling of superiority sink in. Who earns more, who is better looking or who is more educated or talented etc. are destructive thoughts that should be kept at bay. It will take the relationship to a black hole. There is nothing to compete between partners. This is one of the biggie to break a relationship, you can click here to read my earlier blog that covers this in point five. The level of understanding is related to emotional quotient. How one feels in any situation. How to cherish, be supportive and respectful to each other.

It’s never too late to say sorry. I know a lot of people who are egoist to come and say sorry. ‘Sorry seems to be the hardest word for many!’ If you have hurt each other by harsh words or actions, it’s important to say sorry and leave it behind. Bruise in the heart if not treated always hurts, never heals. Don't leave it on time to heel. One has to patch it up with love and understanding!

Encourage them to do things they love, stopping them should be way out of question. For example, if someone likes to dance, let them, doesn't matter if they are not perfect (according to your dictionary). The more you stop them the more frustrated and dissatisfied they will be.

Be with your partner. This means be it your own parents or any family member, always defend your partner. Take stands for him/her when required. The situation doesn’t change according to the gender, like a girl should understand more than the guy. That’s also a misconception. Both are equally responsible to and for each other.

Never prejudge. This is another common thing between partners. They tell each other about how they feel about someone before introducing them to their partner. But I don’t agree with this. Me and my husband never preoccupy each other with opinions we have for someone. Whenever we meet anyone first time from family or friends, we meet with open minds and it’s our own discretion what opinion we form for anyone. We respect our likes and dislikes like two mature individuals. Also, the feeling for accepting each other’s family and friends like your own is important. But, if anyone behaves rudely or coldly with your partner, then you should not blame him/her for withdrawing. You would do the same had situation been reciprocated.

Indulge in each other. Not every person is same. And this is another wrong notion people believe in, that for two people to get along very well they must have same interests. That’s funny! Accept the fact that none can be your mirror image or soul mate kind of stuff like shown in movies or sitcoms. It’s all about two people liking each other and willing to work out their relationship. Show interest in each other’s likes. For instance, if your partner loves watching sitcoms or maybe football and you hate them, at least give him some company now and then. 

Last but not the least, never forget the reason why you married him/her. That will always drive you. New circumstances come, situations change, but this thought should be as fresh like yesterday. It’s a secret for happy marriage. :)

This is no relationship advice. But I certainly believe that love and respect while working on your relationship goes a long way. These were my thoughts, please feel free to share yours.